Nicotine i love you bitch 

drains me

 I feel weird, like half alive. Yesterdays night I thought the feelings will go away next day, but in reality it didn't. How I can change it? I barely even care about my looks when i'm at home, and I wish I could start again. Only one positive things is that I got more motivation to write now, I wrote a lot since 2 last days, and I start to wonder. Do I have a choice between writing a good book or having a good clean life? Do I have to be depressed to write better?