Im not mad cause I lost myself for you. I am mad that I lost 5 months of being a kid for being as mature and convincing for you to stay. Everything got better, thats right. But I want to feel like a kid again, I feel like I neglected all my friend, and I feel that its my fault our friendship is not as good as it used to be. If I could buy this one thing that is missing, I would run to shop as fast I can and buy it, no matter the price. I just feel that part of me is missing, its the part that you took with you, my childhood - or it last moments.
My biggest fear is growing up, and I really don't want to become an adult.
I promised myself that I will never grow up, and I will always be super childlish, in my own world. But I broke my own promise, because slowly, without me realizing I am becoming like every other adult -insensitive to details, only cares about work, looks or family. I lack something that I had before. No matter how hard I try I can't be person I used to be before, and that's the thing I hate about myself the most. I feel weird around my friends, I honestly feel like an idiot in front of them, I feel this sour feeling of hate towards myself, because I can't forgive myself that I changed.
I wish I could come back, just for one day - to being childlish, worth something and only live at my own world again.
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