charon2

 Heya, It's night. I can't sleep (insomnia)

When I can't sleep I usually do a research. Today I found conversations with person i treated like shit, and this whole page is going to be about it. Let's call them charon2.

me: my teeth fucking hurts. somebody kill me please.

charon2: i can kill u 

me: then do so.

-

charon2: i wonder if our friendship have sense. 

me: what do you mean?

charon2: we don't talk anymore, and im always starting a conversation.

me: im too tired to chat, im going straight to sleep after school

charon2: thats your explanation? u always saying that, its not really convincing.

me: what tf are u on about?

charon2: its been 3 months, and u are always tired

me: are u kidding me now? all i do is sleeping because of my meds.

me: I told you.

me: no matter how many months.

me: if you want then end this friendship. and to be honest. its the last thing in my head to talk to other people now.

-

charon2: i hope u going to get better. i bet its hard for you.

me: cut if off.

charon2: im worried

charon2: can't i ask how u feel?

charon2: im sorry if I hurt u.

me: i have no response.

charon2: i understand and i feel bad for you. 

me: thank you

-

charon2: are u seeing specialist or no?

me: no

charon2: just asking

charon2: do u want chat a little more?

me: im kinda busy with school things

charon2: so that means no?

me: we can chat tomorrow

charon2: why you are messaging me then huh?

me: what are u on about.

-

charon2: hi

me: hi

charon2: whatsup?

me: its okay

charon2: want to chat?

charon2: ???

me: cant rn.

charon2: ok

-

me: i dont think police gonna make him suffer enough

me: maybe i should just kill him

charon2: how you are going to catch him tho?

charon2: u can always make fake trap for him. scare him away with some fake bullets.

me: no, i want him dead.

me: its gonna be easy, i dont see my future anyways.

charon2: im going to help you.

-

charon2: i remember u said that u want to be psychologist, still do?

me: yeah, still do.

charon2: i hope u will become psychologist one day:)

me: its not my day

me: something's off

charon2: whats wrong?

me: no idea

-

charon2: hey, will we marry each other one day?

me: you dont even know me that good charon2

me: first ones first im autistic

me: im rude

charon2: what?

me: im giving u reasons why u shouldnt marry me

me: im obssesed with my own world

me: im listening to kpop 

me: do u still want me?

charon2: yes

me: damn

me: next, my room is full of bows

charon2: i want to touch them

me: im not okay

charon2: just like me darling 

me: im writing perverted fanfictions

me: all i care is my world

me: when im stressed im laughing 

charon2: will u marry me?

me: im washing my hair everyday

me: im talking to myself through notebook

charon2: i still love you

me: i love you too

I don't really feel like reading more of this crap. I am sorry charon2.

Read this please

I think my best feature is that I always hope that things will get better, and I actually believe this. But I feel like I am in cage, I would fucking love to dissapear, I never felt this kind of pain before, I would rather prefer being skinned alive. I'm in fucking pieces.

Everyday, I am acting like animal, Im going insane like an animal, I am becoming something that isn't fully human. Im acting like a slave, like a idiot, biggest idiot. 

TRUST ME I WOULD FUCKING PREFER TO DISSAPEAR COMPLETLY, BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE THAT MY S////// ATTEMPT WON'T WORK AND I WILL BE STUCK, AND AFTER THIS HE WOULD LEAVE ME FOR 100%

so i can't risk it.

Today I realized something important and I made a lesson - I am grateful.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

 When you are not healed in relationship, you will hurt other person. And thats why i decided to let go some of my traumas. I'm glad that I made a lesson. One week to a meeting with specialist 💖

I stumbled upon a misfortune.

 I stumbled upon a misfortune.

To be honest, I never felt so alone. I haven't had a day like this since I remember.

Communication is not hard, it's just hurtful - and thats why we are scared to communicate.

 ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Today I realized this fact. That communication is not hard, its just often hurtful - and thats why we are scared to communicate. Since few weeks, me and my relationship is having a lot of serious conversation, and today one, was like a slap in a face. And I don't mean it was bad, I'm actually really happy about this slap. It's because it made realize some important things. For sure the punch itself was hurtful, but I needed it. 

I'm actually so so grateful for my relationship, and I am so happy that he actually communicates with me. It was a tough time for us but now we are finally getting better, and I am actually so happy to be in a healthy relationship. It gave me an incredible sense of peace and security. I'm also happy that I managed to open up to him, which was very difficult for me. I'm working at myself 💓

ʚ♡ɞ

 ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Dead people recive more flowers than living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude - Random Tumblr User